What-Ever

Once, there was a couple.  They were an odd couple, at least that was what their more considerate neighbors called them.  They had opinions about everything and their opinions seemed to be a little on the wacky side.  One day, they found out they were to be parents.

Their biggest trial when it came to getting ready for this child was finding a name for it.  The father insisted on Nancy Noel, both being the best girl names ever heard of.  The mother disagreed.  They were to have a perfect child and the child was to have a perfect name.  The perfect name was to be Mary Martha.

They never even thought about compromising, but perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered if they had.  They were both very head-strong characters.  Nancy Martha and Mary Noel weren’t perfect enough for their child.

The day of the child’s birth didn’t just bring them one child, it brought them two!  The father exclaimed when his wife asked what their names should be,

“Whatever!”

And from that day forward, the children were known as What and Ever.  What was older by three minutes and was graced by the middle name Else.  Both her parents agreed Elsa was too feminine.

Ever was younger, but bigger.  He held the middle name of Want.  Want was a family name that his mother wanted him to carry.

As What and Ever grew, they realized how strong their names were.  Ever didn’t let it bother his head, but What grew aggravated when people would randomly call her name. Even her family did it!

“Yes?” Ever looked up to see What in the doorway of his room. “What, what do you want?”

“You know how much I hate that question,” What groaned.

“What else would I ask?” Ever shrugged.

“Don’t call me by my full name!” What gasped, looking highly offended.

“I didn’t,” Ever defended.

“Why ever do you do that?” What cried.  “You did call me by my full name.”

“Now you’re using my name!  What were you going to ask me?”  Ever asked in frustration.

“I forgot it,” What said simply.

“You forgot it!  All that discussion for nothing?”

“Now, Ever, it wasn’t for nothing.  It was an important discussion.”

Okay,” Ever shrugged.  “Whatever.”

“What?” What cried. “Why are you calling both of us?”

“I didn’t,” Ever denied.

“But you said What Ever just like mom does when she calls us,” What pointed out.  Ever rested his head in his hands in thought for a moment.

“I did, didn’t I?” Ever realized.

“What will you do?” What looked searchingly into her brother’s face.

“I don’t know, What.  What else can I do?”

“I don’t know, but never say that or what else again!” What exclaimed a bit angrily.  She didn’t like it when people made light of her name.  “I don’t ever want to hear that from you again.”

“Don’t use my full name!” Ever cried.  “I hate the name Want.  I don’t want…”  Suddenly, Ever burst out laughing.

“What?” What asked, wondering what could be funny about that.

“I just used my middle name!”

“See? It’s hard not to use each of our middle names,” What pointed out miserably.  Ever contained to laugh.  “What?” What asked again, hating to be left out on the joke.

“I guess the jokes on us, or maybe more on our parents.”

“What are you talking about?” What asked crossly.

“We are always being called.  Almost everyone asks for you at the beginning of a question,” Ever laughed even harder.  “You even call yourself.”

“You’re right,” What gasped and then started to laugh.  “What about you?”

“Oh, every time people say ever, they call me.”

“And when they say whatever, they call both of us!”

“Uh-huh,” Ever laughed and rolled off of his bed.

After that realization, What didn’t mind her name.  She considered it one of the best jokes ever, since her friends were calling her almost non-stop.  It was just what she was given.

The End