Things Amie Gets Wrong

What’s up, y’all?  The spring weather is really kinda annoying me.  It’s too hot for long sleeves, and yet too cold for short sleeves.  I guess this is the weather for quarter sleeves, but I’ve never found much use for quarter sleeves.  There’s only about four weeks out of a year that you can wear them where I live without getting too cold or too hot.

Anywho!  That has nothing to do with todays post, but the weather is important to Amie, and it sets the mood, so it needs to be addressed.  Now that Mr. Weather has duly been noted, we may continue.

Today we’re talking about things that Amie somehow gets wrong. Almost EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

It’s rather embarrassing, to be honest, but also humorous, so Amie has decided to embarrass herself in this post.  The only way she can get through it is by talking about herself in the third person, so don’t think she’s lost her marbles.  (She actually lost all her marbles when she was nine.  They fell out of her pocket when she was walking, and a few went down the drain.  Rest in peace, my her dear marbles!)

Ready to get started?  (This is a rather long intro.)

1. 911

Okay, numbers shouldn’t be confusing for Amie, right?  She’s dreamed multiple times that she couldn’t remember the number, and was panicking because she needed it.  911 is super complex to remember.  It’s 9-1-1, but those three numbers can become 1-9-1, or 1-1-9!

Amie always second guesses herself to make sure she has it right when it comes to any numbers.  Amie isn’t always the best at numbers.  5 usually becomes 50 and 3 becomes 6 when she talks.

2. Pint Sounds like Pinto?

Amie says she is able to say read languages, but unable to speak them, which has been a problem for her her whole life.  Pint somehow ends up like pinto, Quebec sounds like Q-beck, and so many other words are spoken as she thinks they should sound, instead of what they actually sound like.

At least she doesn’t lisp anymore. 😉

3. She still needs a sippy cup?

The song above about explains Amie.  Once a day, she misjudges the distance between her mouth and the cups, and a beverage spills on the front of Amie’s shirt.  Thankfully, she doesn’t drink grape juice.  😉 Just coffee and water.  (Though coffee stains are hard to remove…)

4. The keyboard

Apparently the keyboard doesn’t like Amie.  She often reaches for an exclamation point, and ends up with 1.  Or she forgets about holding shift, and < and > show up throughout her typing.  Imagine how terrible it would be if Amie didn’t edit her posts!

5. Pants

Pants can be hard to wear, can’t they? Especially when you’re excited to face a new day, and so you jump up and try to pull it super fast, except you end up doing a split.  Amie has a hard time refraining her excited nature, and so it often ends up coming out in the weirdest times.  Like, pulling on pants.  Or dancing in the parking lot at church.

6. Spelling

Amie’s never claimed fame when it comes to spelling.  Especially since so many words in the English language don’t sound as they spell.  A strange fact about Amie is that she can’t pronounce a word she can’t spell.  Odd, isn’t it?

It takes a lot to teach Amie how to spell a word, but she’s proud when she gets spaghetti and pancreatitis right.  Don’t forget about how hard it is to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.  (And she didn’t have any help from spell check!)

Screen Shot 2019-03-29 at 9.16.01 PM.png7. Toilet Paper

Amie has absolutely no care which side the toilet paper is on.  Like, does life really hang on the matter if the toilet paper is over or under? To Amie, life just hangs on the matter that there is paper.

8. Right and Left?

Amie has inherited from her mom a disability.  The inability to know the difference between right and left.  It cripples her ability to give directions, and to understand which way to write b and d.  (Thankfully, she overcame that obstacle.)   Now, she wears a ring on her right hand to know, but it still takes her a second to look down and tell you if you should turn right or left.  (So if you ask for directions, you’ll get a lot of hand motions. 😂)

Okay, guys.  I tried to think of ten things, but I can’t for the life of me.  Except for something I only occasionally get wrong.  I obsess over cutting hair, and for the most part, I’m pretty good at it.  Like everyone else, I have some pretty bad stories behind me (*cringes*), but today I kinda destroyed my brother’s hair.  And he’s still mad at me.  I tried a mohawk, but it looked like a drunk barber was trying to recreate the leaning tower of Pisa.  So, now he doesn’t have much hair.

And that’s all for today.  Can you relate?  What are some things that you get wrong?

And I’m over and out.

~~Amie~~

41 thoughts on “Things Amie Gets Wrong

  1. 😂 This was the greatest!! Someone else with a lisp!! *fistbump* Some of my words still come out with a lisp if I’m not careful. I didn’t completely lose my lisp till I was literally almost twelve. I can remember 911 from a song our mom, but when we lived in Japan the 911 number was ten digits long and the one time I actually had to call it I managed to call the local pediatric clinic instead!
    Three cheers for supercalifraglisitcexpialidocious!! (Of course you can say it backwards, which is dociousexpialiisticfragilcalirepus, but that’s taking it a bit too far, don’t you think?)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This was so fun, Amie! I used to get confused about 911. I always wondered if it was supposed to be 911 or 911. 🤔 thankfully I’ve never had to call those people so….
    and about the keyboard…i do the same thing all the time!😭😂
    I used to have so much trouble remembering which way was left and right. I finally found that your first finger and your thumb look like a uppercase L on your left hand. That helped me some but I still have to check a lot of the time! 😭

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My mom told me about the L trick, but the problem is that I have a little bit of dyslexia, and I can’t remember which way L goes. 🤦‍♀️ If I’m writing, I do, but when I look at my hands, they both look like L to me.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Our mom also gets her left and right confused so all of us kids inherited it unfortunately! We’ll be driving down the road and we’ll be like turn there not there…there! It’s so confusing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One thing I pretty much ALWAYS do wrong is… (I’m having trouble admitting to this)… when typing, I always type out “weel” instead of “well”. Which, by the way, (depending on the definition) are two VERY different things!
    “Weel” can be a Scottish & English variant of “well” (like the one Joseph was thrown into) or it can mean a “wickerwork or slotted trap for fish, especially eels.” according to Merriam Webster.
    Okay, I was able to say it without running and hiding next to a garbage can. Sorry that was weird… I am weird… I think?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. HAHAHA. “I tried a mohawk, but it looked like a drunk barber was trying to recreate the leaning tower of Pisa. So, now he doesn’t have much hair.” I died.

    Also I think it’s slightly alarming that I identify with more than one of these. Spelling, for example; left and right, and cups. I ALWAYS SPILL LIQUIDS DOWN MY SHIRT. HELP.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. UGH LEFT AND RIGHTS ARE AWFUL! And haha yes! Hand gestures! I’ll be like “so you go down that road and then you take a… *waves left hand* uhh, left and then…” Yep it’s hard. I can remember which hand is right and which is left because I remember which one used to have a watch on. 😛

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a good way to remember! And when I’m giving directions, it’s more like this…
      “Okay, so you go this way *waves one hand*…”
      Sister: “Left.”
      Me: “And you go this way *waves other hand*…”
      Sister: “Right.”
      Me: “And you go for awhile, and then you turn…Uh, left.”
      Sister: “Left.”
      Me: “I got that one right that time!”
      Sister: *rolls eyes*

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Okay, Amie!! This post is so relatable!!
    I’ve had things like 911 happen to me before. It’s so annoying!!
    Ahhh!!! The Quebec thing is so me!!! I recently learned how to say it….
    SIPPY CUP SONG!! That’s like their best silly song!! Maybe because of the pianist….
    YES, THE KEYBOARD!!! Except mine are either 1’s or ~~. *sighs*
    Okay, with toilet paper, I always try to find out which side it’s supposed to go. It’s so confusing and I never get it on the right side it seems.
    We’ll have to see your brother’s haircut someday….

    Liked by 2 people

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