Hating Yourself

Look at the big picture, and not at the blemish.

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I often tell my sisters and my friends that.  It’s a way I keep an optimistic outlook on things that look extremely dark or grey.  In the best of paintings, you need the shadows, and it’s the same with our journey called life.  A short time after I had repeated this to my sister, I was unburdening my heart with my mom.

Lately, the Devil has been trying to have me look at all my failings.  I read the lists of sins in the Bible, and hate myself passionately, because I commit those sins!  The abominations in Proverbs leave me blue, while the sins in the New Testament have me depressed the rest of the day.  Because I can’t do it.  I keep sinning again, and again, and again.

And so, I was telling my mom about my failures, and my hatred of the failing me.  She looked at me, and said,

“Well, Amie.  Are you still hitting your siblings?  Do you still have those same hurtful comments that you used to make in the past?”

And then it hit me.  I hate looking at the past, because I see all my failures.  I see the stains of the past, I see the hurt, and I see all the things I wish weren’t there.  But if you don’t look at the past, you won’t see how far you have come.  You won’t see the answered prayers, the blessings, and yes, you won’t see the person you have blossomed to be.

God has given you the past to shape you to be who you are now.  Yes, the past might have hurt.  Yes, the past is filled with sins.  Yes, the past wasn’t ideal.  And no, you aren’t perfect, but if you’ve been going through the Refiner’s fire, you have had some dross that has come off.

The furnace is hot, and it hurts, but we become much finer pieces of gold afterwards.  The furnace isn’t a one time deal either.  We go in again and again to remove different impurities.  Just like shaping a mound of clay isn’t an immediate process, and painting isn’t done immediately.  Books take time, music takes time, everything takes time.

Becoming the perfect person you want to be will take time, but the time spent will be worth it.  Right now you see the smudge in the painting of your life, but in the future, you’ll look back and see that that smudge made a scene much prettier.

Don’t hate yourself because of your failings.  Don’t hate yourself because of your sins.  Jesus didn’t hate you for your sins, in fact, He came to earth to make a way so that your sins would be forgotten and forgiven.  Yes, I said forgotten.  God doesn’t remember your shortcoming once you have confessed and repented.  Isn’t that amazing?  And so, we must press on and pray continually.  Someday, we’ll look back at this season of life and realize that the hardship we’re going through now are only making us stronger, and our life better for what was to come.

How often do you get discouraged because of your failings?  Don’t let the Devil bring you down because of them.  They’re forgiven and forgotten.  In the big picture, they’re only a dark color to make the rest of the colors brighter.

~~Amie~~

20 thoughts on “Hating Yourself

  1. Wonderful post, Amie! I love what you said about paintings, because I’ve thought about that a lot recently too. Just like a piece of art looks flat and dull with no contrast, so does life – you need shadows to bring out the highlights. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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